Peter King: Glendale, AZ—Keeping up with the Joneses or shall we say keeping up with Floreses should be the more appropriate theme for the recent trade activity in the BFFL for the past week. Peter King here for Football Night in America with a special report from Glendale, AZ new home for the offices of The Branch Davidians. I flew into Sky Harbor on Tuesday night to interview Team Owner/President/General Manger/CIO/CFO/Scouting Department/Messiah/Head Coach David Koresh and discuss his team’s recent 12-0 winning streak dating back to last year and boy did I choose a good time to follow the team, as a result I was given special permission to follow the team’s recent additions and subtractions to The Branch Davidians but could only report a few days later after the team’s conclusion of trade activity. Normally I would have had a complete interview with Team Owner/President/General Manger/CIO/CFO/Scouting Department/Messiah/Head David Koresh but I think giving the readers a timeline is a more insightful tool into the thinking of the leader from Mt. Carmel. There is also a reminder to all owners of the BFFL for Saturday October 22, 2011, the Rogainers have scheduled an “Occupy the BFFL Protest” at Gillis Park in South Austin, TX to protest the addition of talent of certain franchises in the BFFL. So grab your favorite Starbuck’s Café Latte and enjoy the timeline.
Occupy the BFFL Protest
October 11, 2011, 9:40pm: I arrive in Phoenix, AZ and bought my Orange Mocha Frappachino from Starbucks and get picked up by a Branch Davidian team vehicle and to my surprise it is Team Owner/President/General Manger/CIO/CFO/Scouting Department/Messiah/Head Coach David Koresh, we exchange a few words but the guy lives in General Manager mode. He was on the phone with another BFFL owner trying to hammer out details for a player exchange.
October 11, 2011, 10:20pm: We arrive at the newly built team head quarters and we go directly to the war room to begin trade discussions
Team Owner/President/General Manger/CIO/CFO/Scouting Department/Messiah/Head Coach David Koresh working the phones in the War Room
October 11, 2011, 10:35pm: Team Owner/President/General Manger/CIO/CFO/Scouting Department/Messiah/Head Coach David Koresh has Team Owner Nathan Singleton of the Horns to discuss a possible move for the free agent waiver wire, the player that is of great interest to The Branch Davidians is Ben Roethlisberger QB. The owner of The Horns is discussing possible compensation for the addition and then subsequent trade of the player, it involves possibly trading The Branch Davidians Stable of Wide Receivers. However, talks begin to break down with the owner of the Horns and no subsequent deal can be maximized. G.M Koresh is possibly talking about sending wide receiver Jeremy Maclin WR, but negotiations never get that far. The owner of the Horns is looking for the magic bullet in the wavier process for ever owner of every week and that is the elusive starting running back. I ask Team Owner/President/General Manger/CIO/CFO/Scouting Department/Messiah/Head Coach David Koresh why his interest in the quarterback and he said, “Hey fatty, it’s to add some qb depth for the position now sit in that corner and shut your pie hole!”, somehow I think the owner was a bit ticked off that he couldn’t get the deal worked out in time with the right compensation, after a few minutes I decided to ask him if he could pull the deal off later. “Probably not, there are going to be too many owners ahead in the process to be able to get the player at my given slot, it was a long shot but when you are the owner of a team with an undefeated recorded you have to take the good with the bad. Our situation is very unique in that we always expect to pick last in the waiver process, that’s what championship level organization have to contend with week in and week out, who do you think we are the Rogainers?” said Team Owner/President/General Manger/CIO/CFO/Scouting Department/Messiah/Head Coach David Koresh.
October 11, 2011, 11:35pm: The BFFL office back in Austin,Tx are about to run the wavier process and we are going to see if The Branch Davidians gamble was able to pay off…Tick…Tick…Tick….Bam! With the 7th spot in the wavier process Rice University….errrrrr the Rogainers come in and pick Ben Roethlisberger QB, and the mood is quiet here at The Branch Davidians office. A back up plan must now be in place to try to solidify a position of need, it is back to the drawing board for Team Owner/President/General Manger/CIO/CFO/Scouting Department/Messiah/Head Coach David Koresh.
October 12, 2011, 12:00am: The Branch Davidians were able to cut Kevin Kolb QB and pick up Andy Dalton QB, but somehow I don’t think Team Owner/President/General Manger/CIO/CFO/Scouting Department/Messiah/Head Coach David Koresh was done making acquisitions for this team, somehow I think it was just the beginning. After this move was completed Team Owner/President/General Manger/CIO/CFO/Scouting Department/Messiah/Head Coach David Koresh sent everybody home for the night, but Team Owner/President/General Manger/CIO/CFO/Scouting Department/Messiah/Head Coach David Koresh was going to stay at the complex and continue to evaluate and watch tape of players to see if something could be done in the foreseeable future.
Team Owner/President/General Manger/CIO/CFO/Scouting Department/Messiah/Head Coach David Koresh is working the Big Board of players available
October 12, 2011, 9:32am: Team Owner/President/General Manger/CIO/CFO/Scouting Department/Messiah/Head Coach David Koresh has not left the building since I went back to my hotel room, arriving at team headquarters early that morning I heard David Koresh repeat in the war room “We need the Lord, We need the Lord” said the owner of the divine team of destiny, I thought to myself this is a pleasant morning prayer but to my surprise it was another addition coming. Recently acquired Andy Dalton, QB was on his way to team headquarters but got pulled over to get the news that he was never going to make that trip after all, he had just been cut for Lord Tebow….errrr, Tim Tebow QB , this was the reference the leader of Davidians was talking about when getting the Lord. Tim Tebow, QB was now a member of The Branch Davidians. “We have somebody as divine as myself, we have two messiahs as part of this organization this can only be a good thing O my brother!” said Team Owner/President/General Manger/CIO/CFO/Scouting Department/Messiah/Head Coach David Koresh.
Tim "Lord" Tebow standing at the pearly gates ready to compete for The Branch Davidians
October 12, 2011, 10:00am: I tried at this point to get the leader of The Branch Davidians to talk to me about the addition he just made, I wanted to pick his mind and have him tell me why this was an upgrade over the recent departures of Kevin Kolb and Andy Dalton, but to my surprise we were unable to get into the nitty griddy about the addition to his team, not to my surprise we were back in the war room.
The Scouting Department here at The Branch Davidians Headquarters
October 12, 2011, 11:25am: Team Owner/President/General Manger/CIO/CFO/Scouting Department/Messiah/Head Coach David Koresh was on the phone again and this time he had owner
Tristan “Philly” Leonard of The Criminoles on the other line. The Branch Davidians owner first enquired of the availability of Peyton Hillis, RB for Mike Tolbert, RB and Jeremy Maclin, WR however the owner from Compton was not willing to budge. “Gonna be tough to pry someone good from my dead fingers” said team owner Philly Leonard after enquiring of the availability of “The White Stallion”. The tone of the discussion turned when the Team Owner/President/General Manger/CIO/CFO/Scouting Department/Messiah/Head David Koresh asked what would be acceptable from the owner straight out of Compton. “How about Mathews for Green and Maclin?” a two second pause over the line occurred, then “Deal” said the leader from Mt. Carmel. “Send it over” said Coach Philly and the response from Team Owner/President/General Manger/CIO/CFO/Scouting Department/Messiah/Head David Koresh was “Good doing business with your sir” the deal was complete. The owner from The Branch Davidians had gotten one of the top starting running backs in the League, the paper work was complete Ryan Mathews was now a member of The Branch Davidians.
Ryan Mathews picking up his jersey at Branch Davidians headquarters
October 12, 2011, 11:35am: With the roster down a player The Branch Davidians were in addition mode. The Branch Davidians have traded two of the more surprising wide receiver stars of the BFFL and were calling free agents to see which players would be available to add to the roster by Sunday’s game. To round out the roster Team Owner/President/General Manger/CIO/CFO/Scouting Department/Messiah/Head Coach David Koresh had called Greg Little, WR to inform the player that he was now a member of The Branch Davidians. The young wide out was surprised to be coming to a perennial championship contender that’s for sure but somehow he was put at ease once talking to Team Owner/President/General Manger/CIO/CFO/Scouting Department/Messiah/Head Coach David Koresh, “I see the same skill set I had in Jeremy Maclin and A.J. Green son, you will be just fine here with the team. Are you ready to score some late season touchdowns?”
Figure 1 Greg Little celebrating what are sure to be many td’s for The Branch Davidians
October 12, 2011, 11:45am: Hearing the conversation and the tone in the war room I had the feeling that the trading was still far from complete. Having a wide receiving corp. of Nicks, Austin, Jones, Nelson, Finley and the newly acquired Little still left some room for improvement. So this time Team Owner/President/General Manger/CIO/CFO/Scouting Department/Messiah/Head Coach David Koresh was back in the war room once more to see if he can acquire one more receiver to make the team complete. The criteria the owner was looking for was somebody who had the physical and mental traits of the top wide receivers in the league.
October 12, 2011, 11:45am: Team Owner/President/General Manger/CIO/CFO/Scouting Department/Messiah/Head Coach David Koresh decided at this point to make a call to a familiar face of the BFFL an owner who is always looking to make a deal when the benefit is there for his team/organization, he placed a call to Austin, TX to The Horns. Right away the conversation picked up from last night’s tone about what were some of the needs of the two organizations, here is a glimpse of their conversation:
“So what are you thinking, who are you after?” The Horns
“Was needing help now at wide out, parting with Maclin and Green left me a little thin.” B.D.
“Noticed” The Horns
“I would love to move either Nelson or Jones so I don’t’ have to many at that position” B.D
“Jermike at wide receiver…errrr tight end is fine with me” B.D
“Not sure I want any of your WR since I have both RBs” The Horns
“Would you part with Ingram?” The Horns
“Would you part with Pettigrew?”The Horns
“Now I would part with Ingram.” B.D
“Ingram was going to be starting soon for me anyways but now that I have Mathews he is expendable” B.D
“Any interest in Lloyd, Jones or Heyward-Bey?” The Horns
“What about Pettigrew?” The Horns
“Yeah I would move Pettigrew.” B.D
“I can roll with Julio ‘The Horse’ Jones, that dude is huge but carries the weight so amazingly well, did you see the practice routes when they played the iggles the other night, amazing!” B.D
“Would you do a Lloyd for Petti straight up?” The Horns
“Let me research that, I will be right back.” B.D
“Ok” The Horns
“I don’t think I can do Lloyd for Pettigrew, but I would do Pettigrew for Jones!” B.D.
“Offer up what you will do, I need to check one thing before, I can accept the Jones for Pettigrew deal” Horns
“I’ll get back to you after lunch, give me an hour or so.” The Horns
“Are you sure you won’t do Lloyd for Pettigrew?” The Horns
“No, don’t trust him” B.D
“Seems like you have a new receiver!” The Horns
The inner workings of this deal and this conversation tells your all you need to know when two parties are willing to make a trade happen when it benefits both teams. Funny, how more organization in the BFFL are light years away from making this happen. I was able to talk to Team Owner/President/General Manger/CIO/CFO/Scouting Department/Messiah/Head Coach David Koresh about this point indirectly, “Yeah Peter, if I had brought this trade up to Rogainers, he would have told me Darren McFadden would be appropriate for Tim Hightower, Trung Candidate and three players to be named later?” “Uh, David Trung Candidate isn’t even in the league anymore!” “Yeah, I know Peter but somehow that owner is still drinking the cool aid on that player to this day!”
October 12, 2011, 11:47am: The Horns traded Julio Jones, WR to The Branch Davidians for Brandon Pettigrew, TE. The paper work was complete Julio Jones would be continuing he rehabilitation at The Branch Davidian training facilities.
October 12, 2011, 12:00pm: At this point, after all the caffine has worn off, I had more writing material than I knew what to do with. And for once I finally thought that the organizational maneuvering was complete, how wrong again I was.
October 12, 2011, 12:42pm: Any time Team Owner/President/General Manger/CIO/CFO/Scouting Department/Messiah/Head Coach David Koresh is on the phone in the war room something, anything can happen even the unexpected like a Rogainers title. This time the leader from the Compound had one of the more eccentric and 1st year owners of a franchise on the other line it was none other than Christian…..errrr Nigerian Nightmares owner Dan “El Heffe Numero Uno” Gilbert on a cell phone in Leander, Tx. I couldn’t identify what the conversation was about or think who was the Supreme Leader target was but once the conversation started rolling it became evident that the a trade was about to gone down once again here at Branch Davidian headquarters:
“Only cause I have to ask but would you consider trading Cam Newton if the offer was right?” B.D
“If I put a package together would you look at it and let me know if I am wasting your tiempo? B.D.
“Yeah, I would consider it, I am bleeped in this league anyway.” N.N.
“At some point you need a back with Bong Benson getting the suspension, man you really need to keep him away from Lake Travis!” B.D
“I would send you Stafford, Ingram, and Nelson for Newton and Smith?” B.D
“Just figured I’d ask cause you need the shake up anyways and I would be giving you one of the top white qb’s and you get to keep doggie killer!”B.D
“And you get Emmitt Smith Jr. and the white out in Nelson.” B.D
“So, Mop Top, Reggie Bush II, and Jordy ‘New Kids on the Block’ Nelson for Cam ‘I didn’t take money at Auburn Fig’ Newton?” N.N.
High fives were now going around the room at Team Headquarters here in Glendale the compensation had been decided and the principles of the trade had been complete.
October 12, 2011, 3:44pm: The Nigerian Nightmares traded Cam Newton, QB and Torrey Smith, WR to The Branch Davidians for Matthew Stafford, QB, Mark Ingram, RB and Jordy Nelson, WR. The paper work had been sent to the league office and is now official.
October 12, 2011, 5:44pm: I finally got the chance to talk to Team Owner/President/General Manger/CIO/CFO/Scouting Department/Messiah/Head Coach David Koresh about the recent 24 hour activity with his organization and find out some of his thoughts. “Why did you feel the need to make so many changes to your team?” sitting in his office with the three BFFL Championships starring me in the face the owner of Mt. Carmel said, “Peter to the casual eye I really didn’t make that many changes, sure I moved some players but I think I upgraded the overall talent and didn’t have to change the nucleus all that much.” “For me that is key component to all the recent activity was that I really upgraded the running back position and didn’t make changes to the first five picks in my draft.” “I feel that the quarterback position allows me to compete with organizations that have Brady, Rogers and Breesus of the world” “I can now cut the head off of that monster at quarterback and play four on four, or should I say five on four, your best running backs and wide receivers against my best and I think I did that to a certain extent!” As I was wrapping up my article for SI and NBC I couldn’t help but think of this plaque that Team Owner/President/General Manger/CIO/CFO/Scouting Department/Messiah/Head Coach David Koresh had on his desk, it was a gift from Future Hall of Famer Larry Allen the quote said, “It’s between me and you and it ain’t gonna be me!” fitting words from the owner of The Branch Davidians.