Peter King: Austin, TX — Well gentlemen, after the first week of the BFFL is over we can take a look back at the week that was and see who the week’s winners were and of course losers (Sorry, not you Mr. Trzeciak!). I had the great opportunity to see the NBC game of the week, which featured the Chicago Cubs of the BFFL, HCP vs. The Trojans. This game was played in front of a standing room only crowd at Burger Stadium in South Austin, TX, for being the first game of the season the first 1000 fans received 2 free tacos from La Mexicana Bakery off of South First St. (No free chips, so sorry). This game came down to the wire with HCP (1-0) earning the first victory of the season over The Trojans 85-83 (0-1). There were some very interesting post game activities including a riot, let me ask you have you ever seen 1000 Mexicans fight over free tacos, trust me it wasn’t a pretty site. I interviewed Coach Escalante after the game, “Where are my free tacos?", coach I don’t know what to tell you. The coach seemed to be proud of the depth that he displayed at quarterback, “Phillip just played a game like only Phillip can play.” “Y Jose Flacco es muy bueno!!!!” My translation was little off on that one but you get the jest, congrats to the cubbies….errr HCP. The Trojans’ coach Ryan Rauschke declined comment for the story, but publicist Justin Bieber said, “Baby Baby Baby oh…..Baby Baby Baby oh!”
One of the this weekend’s league observation of the season were the upsets that featured all the brown owners of the BFFL winning in Week 1: Nigerian Nightmares, Brown Power, The Branch Davidians, HCP and Treffer Hogs, well 4 out of 5 ain’t bad.
To all the non-Mexican owners, Viva la raza!!!!!
Back to the games of course one of the more interesting surprises of the weekend was the game between the Nigerian Nightmare (1-0) vs. BFFL royalty The Losers (0-1). The game final outcome was 120-101 in favor of the Nightmares. This game was at the Loserdome and had over 42,000 people watch this beating handed down from the virgin owner from Africa. The Losers were heavily favored, however this game turned uglier than a GOP debate folks and that is saying something. The kings of Toto were led by dog humanitarian of the year Michael Vick, model Citizen Kenny Britt and just released from a south Austin jail Cedric Benson, no word yet if Orenthal James Simpson will be release on a work furlough from jail to join the team. I was able to catch up with Head Coach Dan “El Hefe Numero Segundo” Gilbert who told me, “We had our shanks ready for two weeks, there was nothing that was going to stop us, unless these Loser had the SPCA, the police, or the Travis county sheriff, we were golden.” Coach Yak on the other hand seemed to think that his team poor performance was due to Jelly Lice and Ben Coates no living up to potential………..I really didn’t have the heart to tell him. The double N’s were led by the scoring performance of Kenny Britt with a 29 point outing. Congrats to “El Hefe”, welcome to the big leagues.
Back to this weekend’s theme of upsets, no bigger upset was the game between the Criminoles (0-1) vs. Treffer Hogs (1-0). This game was played in the pig pen of Bob Shelton Stadium in Buda, TX. This journalist hasn’t seen such a ruckus for a game played for a BFFL opener. The south Austin bookies opened the line heavily favoring the Criminoles by -12.5 and boy did things get crazy from there. Not that I promote gambling in any way, but I decided to lay some change on our favorite Son of Anarchy before the game. Somehow we feel that this game may have been thrown due to seeing Coach Philly sporting a new Rolex after the game, asked where did he get the money for that sparkling new watch, his response was, “ I got paided fool”. The Kings of Bacon were led by the infamous Aaron Rogers and his 29 point outing. Talking with Coach Treffer via phone that night revealed a well devised game plan. “Peter, we knew it was going to be a tough game, the crowd starting chanting for Philly Philly Philly! Midway through the third quarter.” “We really didn’t know what to expect actually, other than we found out later that the visiting fans stole all the bleachers, concession stands, and TV’s within a three mild square radius.” The tensions were elevated after the game when special guest performer N.W.A started singing “Straight Outta Compton!”
The biggest scoring margin beat down came between The Horns (0-1) vs. Brown Power (1-0). This game was played; well we really don’t know where this game was played at. Our sources from NBC tell us that this game was so lopsided that the game was called in the 3rd quarter due to due the mercy rule. The final outcome was 137-87 and featured player of the week Mr. Gisele Bundchen…..errrr Tom Brady and his 64 point performance. Folks we haven’t seen a player performance like this in a long time and it was truly a spectacle to behold. Coach Pena told me after the game that he couldn’t have drafted a better team………no word on whether the coach actually did draft his team, but we will take him for his word, 😉
Finally, the biggest rivalry game of the BFFL, sure only one owner seems to think of this but we will go ahead and roll with this assumption, matched Texas vs. Rice…….errr, The Harlem Globetrotters vs. the Washington Generals…..errr, Westlake High School vs. the Johnston Rams….err, can you see a trend. The Branch Davidians (1-0) vs. the Rogainers (1-0) at Propecia Field in Pflugerville, TX. In a surprise The Branch Davidians went into Propecia Field and handed the Golden Domers their first loss of the season. We only say it was somewhat of a surprise considering that The Branch Davidians had been 0-3 in opening games the past three seasons. This is the first Branch Davidians opening game victory since 2007 when they defeated the San Francisco 49ers……..errr, Rogainers. We were able to talk to the leader of The Branch Davidians Owner/Team President/General Manager/FED Chairman/Head Coach David Koresh. “Well Peter, glad to see you made it to Texas, I know this is out of your environment, this ain’t Jersey!” “We have had a rough month of September for this franchise history in this league, heck if we even go .500 for the month of September over the past 15 years we probably would have won 8 or 9 championships.” “But we were very fortunate to get our bye in week 1 with the level of completion we were playing this week.” I had to get some more information from the leader of Mt. Carmel about his week one performance. “Peter, this team is not a one man team like my double AA buddy over there, we were just happy that the one they call ‘Bressus’ did up stage my healing power oh my brother!” Congrats to the team from Mt. Carmel on their first win of the season.
Well gentlemen it has been fun to share my thoughts with you about the opening week festivities. I am now on my way up I-35 to Waco, TX and Mt. Carmel where I will do another interview with the leader of The Branch Davidians for a column for you guys later this week. I will also include the Power Ranking for the first week of the season and share some thoughts going into week 2 of the BFFL season. For Peter King and NBC Football Night in America I am out. Ohhhhhh……Starbucks!!!!